We Will Wait-But Why?
by Trixie Black Lestrange
Summary: A oneshot of Bellatrix and Rodolphus...a different take on Bellatrix losing control. Very different from most of characterizations of Bellatrix that I have written.
**I wrote this oneshot in November 2014, and am finally getting it put up. Enjoy!**

Bellatrix Lestrange hurried into her and Rodolphus' room at Malfoy Manor, treading softly as to not surprise him if he wasn't paying attention. She knew he wasn't. "Rod?" she called hesitantly.

The man watched his wife look around nervously for a moment, then stepped forward and said, "Here, Bella. What is it?" He knew that she was going to be upset, and braced himself for any curse.

She whirled around and glared at him angrily, seeming the tiniest bit worried. "Where have you been?" she demanded. "You were missed at the meeting, and the Dark Lord was not pleased—how dare you ignore your Mark!"

"Did he Curse you?" he asked in sudden concern, approaching her. Rodolphus never wanted her to be hurt for something that his Azkaban-crazed mind had made him do.

"No," she hissed, slapping his hand away from her arm. "But the next time our Lord sees you—" she gave him her full Black glare, miming a Curse at him. Her husband merely sighed, and Bellatrix cried in exasperation, "Rodolphus! Do you have any clue how bad you made me and your brother look? We are the Dark Lord's most faithful—"

"We are not."

The dark-haired witch stared at him in shock. "Rodolphus!"

He turned to look into her once-beautiful face and said softly, "Bella, our lives depend on him. That's why we're here—and it's not faithfulness and not loyalty."

Bellatrix gave a small shriek of fury, then hissed, "You speak treason!"

"If I do, then truth is treason," he said quietly, looking straight into her eyes.

"Stop!" she shrieked, sounding almost frightened. Her wand was at his neck in the same second, and she snarled, "Never say that! The Dark Lord will—"

"—will not know unless you bear tales, darling.."

She glared at him and her wandtip singed her husband's neck slightly. "Don't you dare put me in that position! I keep no secrets from the Dark Lord!"

The man raised an eyebrow in spite of his predicament. "No?" Reaching up, he gently grasped his wife's wrist and slowly pulled her wand away from his neck. "Do you mind...that's a bit uncomfortable." He grasped her arms and made her look directly at him. "What about that time that you ranted for hours about—"

Bellatrix gave a small squeak and frantically hushed her husband, looking around in fear even though their room was warded to the fullest. "Rodolphus, we must not speak of that. It was a time of weakness—"

"It was a time of strength, and of opened eyes," the dark-haired man disagreed, firmly holding onto her wrists.

"You must not speak of it that way," she whispered finally, leaning against his chest and hiding her face in his robes. "Rod, you know it is punishable by death."

"You told me you were not afraid of death."

She shuddered slightly, gazing across the room, a lost look coming over her. "No," she breathed. "No, not of death. Of things worse than death. If we betray him, he could hand us over to the Ministry, or—"

His heart pounded, trying to bring warmth back to his suddenly chilled body. "He would not..."

She looked up at her husband, her pale face even more pale, and said, "He is the Dark Lord. What he does is his choice. We must only obey him so that our lives—our souls—are preserved."

His arms tightened around her, and before he knew it, he'd admitted, "Sometimes I wish we had never—never chosen this way." Instantly, he regretted saying that in front of Bellatrix, but he couldn't take it back. To his surprise, she didn't move, and he heard her sniff a little. "I'm sorry, Bella," he muttered, wondering that he still knew how to speak those words.

Bellatrix's arms tightened around him, and he waited for a red-hot Curse to throw him down, but she merely sniffled again. He sighed uncomfortably and added, "I did it for you, you know. I wanted you to be my wife, so I joined the Dark Lord for you."

"I know," she whispered, looking up, a sickened expression on her face.

"Bella?" he said softly, reaching up to her face and wiping a drop of moisture from her cheek. "Are you crying? I've never seen you cry!"

"I never meant to get us sent to Azkaban," she wept softly, ashamed at her present weakness. "I wasn't myself when the Dark Lord disappeared. I think—I think I went temporarily insane, and decided misery wanted to party."

He smiled weakly at her description of their legendary torture of two Order members. Between tiny sobs, Bellatrix stammered, "Rodolphus, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"

Rodolphus nervously embraced his wife, realising how unstable her mind was as well. He hadn't seen her lose control since they'd first got back from Azkaban. The only thing he could do was to hug her again and rub her back firmly. "You—you're forgiven, Bellatrix."

She sobbed, shaking her head as she thought of everything— "I'll never be forgiven," she wept.

He led her to sit down on their bed and held her close, unable to find words of comfort for her. She cried against him for several minutes until he felt her begin to regain her grasp on reality. Still weeping softly, she asked, "Rod?"

"Yes, Bella, darling?"

She drew a shaky breath and gasped, "I don't think I'm going to survive this war."

His heart sank to hear her speak those words, and he said desperately, "Bella, no."

Bellatrix cringed, curling up against his side as if something was hurting her deeply. "Rodolphus, I can feel it."

Rodolphus helped her lie down next to him, his chest aching where he supposed his heart would be if he still had one. "No, Bella," he whispered brokenly. A dry sob answered him, and he said, "Bella, darling—"

"Rodolphus!" she sobbed frantically, suddenly clinging to him desperately. "Rodolphus, I'm scared!"

"Bella, it'll be okay," he promised her as he fought his own emotions, afraid of what would happen if they both lost control. "Bella—" he smoothed her hair out of her face "I love you. I've loved you for a long time, and I'll stay by your side, even in battle, as long as I can."

"I can't even tell Cissy," whispered the Dark witch, sounding lost again. She closed her eyes tightly as her chest heaved with silent sobs.

Rodolphus squeezed her gently. "I think she knows. And she would understand, even if she didn't know and we couldn't tell her," he reassured Bellatrix.

"I miss Andromeda."

"What?" Rodolphus sat up slightly, and Bellatrix gave a small whimper, surprised and horrified at herself.

"I mean, before she—you know. She always helped me out of the situations I got myself into. But now I find myself trying to kill her daughter. Rodolphus—I can't—"

"Fate is cruel," he droned.

"And so are we," she whispered. "I would kill my own niece to save my own neck."

Rodolphus stifled a snort and muttered, "You already got your cousin."

She flinched and whimpered like a wounded animal. "I didn't know what the veil was," she breathed. "I wanted to have fun with him, but he just...died."

Astonished, Rodolphus asked, "You didn't mean to kill him?"

"No! I've hated him for a long time," Bellatrix told Rodolphus as if discussing the weather. "But it's more fun to hurt than it is to kill—you know that. I didn't want to kill him—I made everyone hate me even more. It's not as if anything could help my record."

"What if—" Rodolphus moved to whisper directly into his wife's ear "the Boy defeats the Dark Lord again?"

"We're Marked, Rodolphus," Bellatrix whispered, closing her eyes. "If the Dark Lord is defeated, we will be killed, or—or worse."

Horror struck Rodolphus as he realized the cause of her earlier statement. "Bella, what you said earlier—

She clung to him tightly, now hardened against tears. "If I never get the chance to tell you again, Rodolphus, I love you. More than anything else. More than Dark Arts, more than fame, more than power, more than the Dark Lord himself. I love you, Rodolphus Lestrange."

Rodolphus bowed his head in respect to her. "I love you, Bellatrix Black. Whether we meet our end by Light or Dark, I promise you that I will not leave your side while I still draw breath."

"Nor I yours," she said faintly, clasping his hand.

"You should sleep, Bella," he said, seeing her dark eyes brimming with tears again. "You look exhausted."

"I feel more relaxed now," she breathed with a sigh. "I—I was afraid to tell you—but it was all right."

He rubbed her back gently and murmured, "Sleep, Bella, my love. We must be about the Dark Lord's business tomorrow."

Bellatrix tensed slightly, then hissed under her breath, " _Crucio!_ " She laughed coldly, and Rodolphus continued rubbing her back.

" _Sleep_ , Bella," he said firmly.

She trembled slightly and requested, "Hold me close, Rod." He obeyed, and she sniffled, "I'm sorry for the way I am."

He embraced her firmly and told her, "I love you as you are." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, then said, "Sleep now, Bella." She obeyed, held protectively in her husband's arms.


End file.
